I've built it but are they coming? Episode 13 - Special Collectors edition featuring music, , videos and more.........

And so it was, after much turmoil & many tests & smoking, that upon reaching the thirteenth episode of the great quest Michael did spaketh thusly:

Thirteen! When I started this I thought it would be about 4 or 5 episodes long. Hah! Much has happened & we've come a long way over the last few months (read more)

Catch up on the full series:

Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6,
Episode 7, Episode 8, Episode 9, Episode 10, Episode 11, Episode 12,

I've built it..........but im not done yet. Episode 12

Welcome back grapple fans! I warn you now, this is going to be a long one. There's a lot in here..I want it finished!

At long last this week sees me reach the 2nd to last blog of the current series. What are we on now? 12. That means that in my reality you wont read this for another 4 weeks! I finished the armour about 3 1/2 weeks ago so that means by the time this goes out it'll have been 7 1/2 weeks. (read more)

I've nearly built it! Episode11

PAGE 10,191

INT: THE CUTHBERT BRODERICK: NIGHT - A typicaly cold, windy & wet yorkshire night. It's shit. It is late January 2009. MICHAEL is showing artwork to JOEY & ROBIN which is sprawled out all over the table. MICHAEL frowns slightly as he notices the flecks of spittle all over his work that JOEY has sprayed forth due to over excitedness as he talks so loudly that everyone is staring. ROBIN is sat in the chair opposite MICHAEL like a humunculus. (read more)

Have you not built it yet? Episode 10

Ten blogs old today. Dont worry, the end is in sight......its just really far away. This week I finally get a chance to show you some progression!

After already making a set of chest armour that was too small &, for me, visually unsatisfying I was now to re-sculpt a new improved version that would not only look better but also might actually fit someone bigger than a gnome. By now I'd had several weeks to rethink my approach to the design & was ready to go. As our lifecasting sessions had ended in disaster I was to use the Frankenquin as a base to model the armour on to. Frankenquin is strange to behold - at first he seems like a normal mannequin but upon closer inspection......he's all over the shop. Jobin had decided that they wanted their armour to be 6 ft 2 tall. Dunno why the extra 2 inches are there but they are. We'd had the discussion countless times of how if I sculpt it to a specific scale then they would have to find people of the same size to go in it. I say people & not person as SIX suits were now on order. One was giving us enough of a kicking! So 6ft 2 then. The photo of the maquette I had done was projected onto the wall at the correct size. I then drew round this (with more success than Robin) & I now had a reference image at the correct scale providing me with all my measurements....well most of them. I had the maquette with me too & a clear image in my head of what I was doing. I set to work. And then stopped to take Frankenquins torso off his legs as it turned out that not only was he anatomicly bizarre but he was incapable of not swinging around like a Weeble. Obviously under normal conditions this problem would have been rectified with some form of bracing. However I was hidden away in a room I wasn't supposed to be in so my only option was to place a microwave on a table & set Frankenquins torso down on top of the microwave. This put his body at the right height for me to work on. And he didnt rock around as much.

I can't really be arsed to go off into tangent details today but basically the workshop was like Clapham Junction. Jobin was using it as a mini production office so was constantly jabbering on the phone & bringing people in to organise help with set building & stuff. It was distracting to say the least. I just stuck my headphones on & got on with it. Though had to stop every 20 minutes or so to be introduced to another sci-fi buff who was here to help with the film. Although it was a bit of a pain for me it actually helped Jobin out in a way as basically as soon as you walked into the room it was dominated by the sculpture. It got people excited in the way that geeks & nerds like me do when they see something errrmmmmm.......cool Basically. Therefore they were more inclined to work for free.

So without further delay. Ladies & Gentlemen (is anyone even reading this?) I give you the second sculpture of the PROPER armour. Well the chest & backpack at least. And the helmets on it too. Ooohhh yeah!! Its got a shoulder light too. 'Cos their state of the art vision helmets dont work in the dark remember? Behold!
He's starting to look pretty cool even if I do say so myself. As you can see he's been beefed up somewhat. Its interesting to note (to me anyway) how small the mannequins torso is underneath. Having the helmet as a reference was a massive help as although I had all the measurements I needed scaled up on the wall, this helped me get a feel for where everything should be & informed certain choices with regards to form & mass etc (pass the wine). I placed clips into the sculpt on the shoulders & on both sides. This meant that once the moulding & casting was done I could simply fit them back in enabling the front & the back to lock together. A recessed area was cut out to place the light in. Its just a wind up torch that we found in the shop that looked kind of sci-fi-ish. Downside is they now need to buy 5 more & they cost £25 each. Quite a sting when youv'e got no money! Anyway. All in all a successful sculpture. Im happy with it & it does the job. Again I wish I'd had more time to do it in, this took 3 days or so but once more we found ourselves only being able to mould it at a certain time as we were using the college's facilities. Without getting noticed! That never happened. Jobin got his dates mixed up & it turned out that the college workshop was shut. We would have to mould him in the studio. The fumes would have the students of Leeds dropping like flies. Oh well.

Paul & I moulded the sculpture with little fuss. We'd decided that although we could probably get away with making the mould in the studio there was no way we'd be able to cast out 6 suits without someone noticing. Fibreglass is horrible smelly itchy stuff that can kill you very slowly. There was no extraction in the room - you can't even open the windows! Paul took the mould home to cast out a chest in his mums garage. He'd rather get bollocked by his mum than risk a serious telling off from some health & safety dude possibly leading to legal action & all manner of needless shit. It would be too crowded with both of us so I went home & awaited the photos of Paul in armour. I started to think about the rest of the suit & how it was going to be done. The next thing to do would be the arms & quite importantly the shoulder pads.

The next day after a mild panick regarding thinking he's got the cast stuck in the mould, Paul emailed me his pictures. It was looking cool. We've put alluminium filler powder into the fibreglass so that when you buff it with some wire wool it starts to look metallic. Its not fully done here but he only did it a bit as we knew that works anyway. What we wanted to know was: Does the fucking thing clip back together properly? Yes! Good. Not only that but, as I had planned, the shape & size of the armour gave Paul no choice but to stand up straight with his arms slightly out & back giving him a kind of wrestler stance (for want of a better term). Even a skinny bloke looked quite hard. We were quite excited & were eager to get on with the next phase. I, the arms & shoulders. Paul, THE PLASMA CANNON!!

Later that day we were both to recieve an email from Jobin that made us go "Eh??". We were all going for a trip to Bolton to buy some motorcycle armour. Oh yeah, we also had about a month to finish everything. Jobin had a schedule!!! Much coffee was sprayed in shock.



Next time:

• The emergency plan I came up with in January is instigated
• We spend ages in some womans house trying on motorcycle body armour
• Paul makes a really heavy gun
• Only skinny people will fit in the armour but they're not strong enough to lift the gun

Till the next time,

Michael

if i build it will they come? episode nine

Yep....I'm still here. This could take a while. I didnt make that Skeleton by the way! Last time round my head was hurting after watching various people scratch their heads & slowly skulk into a corner hoping that no one noticed after trying to take measurements from the Frankenquin with, of all things, a broken retractable tape measure that had been stuck back together with gaffa tape.

Then for some unknown reason Joey asked me if we should do a lifecast. Thank god. If this was being done properly with a suitable budget then the first thing we'd have done is a lifecast of the people who have got to wear this stuff. That way we could ensure that each suit would fit its respective wearer perfectly. That idea had been abondoned very early on due to lack of funds & actors to wear the armour. Recently Jobin has seemed to gain access to more money. Right at the start their whole budget was £500 now they just seem to be buying stuff all the time. I dont know where its coming from & I probably dont want to. (read more)

I've built it but are they coming? Episode 13 - Special Collectors edition featuring music, pictures, videos and more

If for some reason you should find yourself watching the above video for about the 18th time at 4:04am, as I did whilst putting it together, you may notice that the sound of the film projector starts to sound like a tune & you may get lost in a mesmerised state as you nod your head in time to the beat.......or that might just be me.

And so it was, after much turmoil & many tests & smoking, that upon reaching the thirteenth episode of the great quest Michael did spaketh thusly:
Thirteen! When I started this I thought it would be about 4 or 5 episodes long. Hah! Much has happened & we've come a long way over the last few months. Ive experienced scenarios & heard things that I would never have deemed plausible until now. People are fucking weird. Most are best kept at arms length. From time to time however they insist on intruding into your life. Gives you stuff to talk about I suppose. 13 blogs worth of stuff. Theres still quite a bit to cram in. You know the score by now so without further ado I'm off for a smoke & then we'll get to it.

A quick overview of what we had at this point: For the last week Andre & I had worked day & night at finishing off the armour. Running out of time & money......and enthusiasm... had meant that rather than sculpt an entire suit I was combining the sculpted torso, helmet, shoulders & Battle pants with motorcycle body armour that had been painted to match. Andre had added tubing to the suit to complete the look. The helmets had the inside of builders hard hats screwed inside to stop them lolling about whilst the torso had been lined with fleece & clipped together. Pretty much everything was held on with cable ties. Originally there was meant to be some kind of lighting going on with the eyes but I think Jobin thought that this would just magically happen by itself once the elves had been round. Many suggestions were made & none were acted on. I kept being told that someone else was going to be taking care of it anyway. Though who this someone was I have no idea. Probably the elves. In the end I just cut out the right eye socket & drilled a hole into the sensor array (Yeah man! sensor array!!) on the left. This provided a certain degree of visbility & due to the dark lighting conditions appears as dark eye lenses.

I think the plan is that Jobin is going to add CGI light up eyes in post production. Its easy apparantly. Relatively speaking it is really.....but this is Jobin. And so with the completed suits laid out all nice & neat along the armoury wall we awaited the first day of the shoot which was due to take place the next day. One slight snag that had been overlooked was the fact that the set hadn't been built yet. Students eh?

As well as Producer & Special Effects expert Robin also apparently has Production Designer & Construction Manager on his CV. His Facebook profile goes on to add author, visionary, actor AND dreamweaver to the list of this movie messiah's powers. Much like another messiah that comes to mind I suspect that whilst he may be a real person most of these other claims are a little bit made up. I'm unsure as to weather or not Jesus has followed Robins example & copyrighted his profile picture. I doubt that its real though...he's just written Image Copyright blah blah blah on it in really small writing.

So in a nutshell as Production Designer Robin (tm) designs all the sets. As Construction manager its up to him that they get built. You can see where this will go. For the last 2 weeks the set was apparently getting built in the room next door to our workshop/studio. By getting built I mean that nothing would happen all day apart from Jobin & different random people coming in from time to time to sit around & eat their lunch & talk about stuff & slate the current cinema releases. Sometimes though to be fair we would come in the next day to see that some boxes had been moved. There is so much that these two don't seem to get about what goes into making a film. Aside from technical knowledge high on the list is how to keep your crew motivated & interested, especially when they're not getting paid. Alot of people came & went during this epic. Most never came back after meeting Jobin for the first time. Others looked unsure but came back anyway & quickly came to the conclusion of "fuck this". Not just for set building either. People from all aspects of the filmic spectrum expressed interest 'till they could be bothered no more. For those that stayed however they were to be rewarded with working through the night for nights on end glueing polystyrene to the wall & spraying it silver with the worlds most noxious spray cans. This also gives an insight to Jobins mindset...."Yeah! we worked all through the night till 8am this morning getting it made!!". Time management! Instead of sitting around saying star trek is shit whilst stuffing yourselves with pasties & shit why dont you just fucking get on with it? If you got your arses out of bed in the morning you could come in & work through the day & then get to go home at night & sleep & not fuck yourselves up with a sleeping pattern that is 12 hours behind everyone else. You dont even know what day it is now do you? Andre & I worked through the day & then would do stuff at home at night but we were.......ORGANISED. Sure we were doing a shitload of stuff but because we'd planned it out we were able to remain relaxed & unpanicked as we worked away with some tunes on & a constant supply of tobacco & coffee at hand. Leaving us with ample time to have fun doing it & piss around a bit whilst being in bed at a reasonably decent hour...1 or 2. Anyway back to the set build.....Worse still is they had been doing this for about 2 weeks & there were no signs of any kind of progress. What the fuck were they doing?

And so it came to pass that the set that Robin(tm) had deemed easy to build started to kick his fucking head in. Slowly but surely the set began to take shape thanks largely to the efforts of Paul who was the only person on the set that had any inkling of a clue. Obviously Andre & I stayed well away. That set was a dimension of pain that we really werent fussed about entering. And so at the end of Saturday I asked Joey what time shooting would be starting on Monday. "Be in at 10" was the answer. OK I replied knowing full well that I'd be in for a lie in. I suppose one good thing about this particular lot is the loathing of getting up in the morning that they all share. On a real film set you can expect to be there pretty fucking early especialy if you've got stuff to get ready before hand. 4 or 5am is not uncommon. Even on a small film the amount of work involved is immense & you need to use every ounce of time that you've got. So with the students toiling away with the set in a cloud of seriously dangerous aerosol we went home & had a relaxing weekend. At about 2 am on monday morning I got a text from Joey that read - "better make it 2pm".


SHOOT DAY ONE - Monday, July 20th, 2009, 14:00 hrs

We arrived on set & was greeted by our constant companion The Champion of Chaos. Nothing was ready. Bits of set layed strewn about amongst the piles of crap & congealed paint brushes, rollers & trays. The air had an understench of potent lung melting aerosols. Discarded pizza boxes were piled high amongst biscuit wrappers & crisps & chocolate & gallons of pepsi. Oh yes. No one had slept in over 36 hours & you could tell. The students were zipping about mashed out of their tits on no sleep, junk food & solvents. And none of them knew why they felt this way.

As well as the students we were joined by a steadycam operator called Jo who Jobin had to pay to be there for the week. Fair enough really I suppose. There's plenty of aspiring fx nerds waiting in the sidelines to work for free & replace me if I'd refused. If theres a proffesional steadycam dude working for free then you might want to be asking some questions. Basically I'm quite easily replaceable, steadycam isn't. What was bothering me though wasn't the fact that he was being paid, it was the fact that Jobin had brought this guy in. He was a serious pro & contracted to do a job & he had his sweet bit of kit set up & ready to go. He was all business & probably had more experience than everyone in the building combined. Jobin can not afford to be fucking about like fannies with this guy waiting to do his job. Of course though this had failed to connect with them both & they continued with their antics - only this time fuelled by a solvent/sugar based sleep deprivated state. For the most part of the day you could tell he'd sussed them out as peni very quickly but was just keeping quiet about it & chatting with me & Andre whilst he waited patiently. Patience is something you have to have a lot of even on a real set. There's alot of waiting. Nothing on this scale though. Not even close. This wasn't waiting for the dop to adjust the lights or actors to rehearse while a shot is set up. This was waiting for people who didn't know what they were doing to finish building a set.

We asked Joey what time he thought they'd be shooting, if at all, today. He told us that it would be about 6ish so we said fair enough & kind of piddled around for a bit really. Jo fiddled with his equipment & we gave the suits a once over & made adjustments here & there but essentially we were killing time. We helped out here & there with bits & bobs but to be honest we felt that they kind of had to suffer really to realise that whilst yes, film making is fantastic fun it is also incredibly fucking hard work. This lot had seriously mis judged the level of commitment & focus needed to do this to the point where you felt like they were taking the piss out of you a bit. In a strange way it was getting a bit offensive to see something that you yourself take pride in doing to the best of your abilities & commit to doing well & proffesionally being treated with such nonchalant abandon based on nothing but the purest ignorance. And supposed final year MA students of film!! I know they're students but fucking hell. Dunno, maybe it'd be a bit like me watching some youtube videos of spaceshuttle launches & deciding that I pretty much know all there is to know about space flight & after branding NASA idiots for not hiring me based on my youtube knowledge I set about making my own spacecraft out of a chair & a large tank of calor gas. Fuck all that other shit, you dont really need it all. Its easy!

On a lighter note it soon became clear that no filming would be taking place that day at all so myself, Andre & Jo went home! Andre watched A Scanner Darkly whilst I added pictures to one of these blogs. Dunno what Jo did. He was in Leeds.



SHOOT DAY TWO - Tuesday, July 21st, 2009, 17:00 hrs

Yeah dont bother coming in till 5 now. I forgot to mention that on day one of "the shoot" the alien had arrived. Seeing as though absolutely fuck all transpired on day two I'll talk about it here. Kind of anyway. In my current timeline (18th august) the alien/creature/biomess is the cause of controversy that not even I dare speak of. In fact I'm gonna have to stay tight lipped on this one for the good of everyone involved untill there has been a resolution to the whole thing that I know about. I have no facts on the matter. All I can say for sure is Jobin is not pleased with the alien & they've told the guy who made it. Alot of rumour, heresay & accusation has been thrown about either in text or facebook format & at this point I just dont really give a fuck anymore if I'm honest. Ive had 7 months of drama, most of which I can laugh at & take the piss out of here but this issue is one that I dont need to be involved with. Trouble is I kind of need to talk about it a bit as despite all my piss taking, sarcasm, ranting & fantasy bludgeonings the real point of this whole epic series is to not only show you some armour I made but to try & give an insight into yes, its construction but also all the other stuff that goes on when in this kind of scenario. As I see it anyway. Which is a most peculiar vision.

I have not seen any footage of the creature so cannot comment on it. I have seen it in real life & while it does look a bit ropey I also know from experience that alot of this stuff can look rather dodgy when you're stood right next to it. Trust me, the Power Armour is no exception. How something looks in reality is totally different to how it looks on film or in a photo when its been set up & lit & had all sorts of things done to it. Obviously the better the thing is in reality will help out alot but you can get away with a hell of alot! Without taking the piss though! Obviously the scenario can be reversed just as easily. You can make the most amazingly life like beast in the world but if the people filming it dont know what they're doing then it will look like exactly what it is. A rubber monster. I also don't really know about the nature of it's construction. I dont know how much time was spent on it & I HAVE to take into consideration the fact that this guy has been getting his instructions & information from Joey & Robin(tm). You get where I'm coming from? If not then go back to episode 1 & start again whilst thrashing yourself with a really nasty clump of prickly thorns whilst listening to this:



Yeah right the alien. Dunno man. We'll see what happens with that one. My honest opinion , which has nothing to do with how good the alien is, is to not show it at all. Its a 20 minute pilot film of footage the main purpose of which is to get people with money interested & intrigued to the point where they will give you money & say "make the rest of it". By not showing the alien (which - SPOILER ALERT!! spends all of its time in a "cryotube" for the scenes that were being shot anyway) & if the rest of the film is done well then the chances are someones going to at some point say "What's in the fuckin' tube man?". Get your wallet out we'll show you! If they ever get to make a full length feature then they can have aliens coming out of their arses. Thats my opinion anyway. Aside from that nothing happened on tuesday so we suited up Steve & shot some footage & took photos. We also had a tentacle that we'd borrowed of the alien.


SHOOT DAY THREE - Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009, 18:00 hrs

Today was Andres last day of his week & a half visit to West Yorkshire. Not only had he helped me out with a mountain of work & been instrumental in the completion of the suits, he had also clarified that it wasn't just me. This place is fucking mental. I'll save my views on this part of the world for later tales but to sum it up: you know The League of Gentlemen? Well, that's set in Yorkshire. It has nothing to do with northeners. I'm from Carlisle which geographically speaking is about as northern as you can get before being Scottish. I'll be eternally grateful for his presence, not just for helping out, but for getting a chance to hang out & make mad shit whilst having a laugh like we used to when I was living in London & helping me get on the path to putting my head in order. I've been up here & out of it for a year after an increasingly bizzarre series of jobs led me to this place both physically & mentally. Again later blogs will enlighten but by just hanging out again & doing this shit & talking about stuff that only he really gets i was able to rediscover the original passion, enthusiasm, ambition & most importantly excitement that set me on this path in the first place many years ago. All of those things have taken a beating on many occasions & for a moment I feared were irrepairably damaged. But all seems to be gradually getting better. So cheers dude.

Wednesday........erm......nope. No filming. Not by them anyway. As it was Andres last day & I had devoted pretty much 7 months of my life to these people I figured that today was as good a day as any to finally call it a day. They had their armour & I had my work documented for my own use. There was a guy taking stills photos who said that he would get me some really nice shots of the suits in properly lit conditions on the set. The guy in charge of looking after the digital film also said he'd grab me some cool shots from the actual footage........once they had some. So fair enough really. Obviously in a real life situation if you've been chosen to work on set then you're there for as long as it takes. Fuck that though for these guys. In a few years time some bearded, web covered skeletons will be found in a building in Leeds that has been made to look like the inside of a sci-fi facility. Enough was finally enough. We'd all got what we'd wanted from the arrangement & everyone was happy. We did make an instructional video with Jo on steadycam to instruct the students on how to put the armour on to the actors. They needed showing constantly & we were bored. As was Jo. One day I hope to get hold of that footage. It'll be funny to watch as at the point of filming we really had no more time for these people who were making it worse by trying to light our instructional demo & therefore just getting in the way and slowing everything down. It'll be fine!! I've turned the big light on. It doesn't need fancy pants lighting....which you can't do anyway. Go & finish the fucking set! Once Jo told us that he wasnt recording sound we just went for it. Lip readers will pass out from shock. And so that was that. The students had been shown numerous times how to put the armour on. Jo knew how to do it. The actors knew how to do it. And they now had a fucking steadycam film taking them through the process. I told Joey that if anything urgent came up then to give me a call & i'll come & sort it. I bade them farewell.



SHOOT DAY FOUR - Thursday, July 23rd, 2009, 19:30 hrs

I think I got the call at about 6. Could I come in & help with the putting on of the armour. Their selling point was the assurance that the set was finished & filming would commence at precisely 9pm. The main focus of tonights shoot will be the power armour. It would have been ridiculous of me not to go. Tonight is the night that I get a chance to make my shit look wicked. Fuck letting them balls that up by putting it on wrong. Its not just a case of putting it on, its got to sit right & look right. A misplaced cable in the wrong place can instantly look shit. I went in to make sure that the suits looked proper for their debut. The set was finished & it looked fine its just a shame they thought it would be a piece of piss & didnt approach it with the respect it deserves. It bit them on the arse for it though. Now we just had to wait for the lights to be sorted. I had also noted at this point that Jo the steadycam man was by now completely ready to kill all of them. He was finding it very difficult to keep his cool. He'd accepted that they were students & may require some guidance but this was ridiculous. His concerns were raised to me during our many fag breaks & he was ready to call it quits. These guys just didnt know anything & he couldn't get his head round it. I think the final nails began to be hammered into the coffin when he'd had to show the "director of photography" how to turn on the camera. That is fucking well bad. In a nutshell the Director of Photography is the camera man. Obviously theres quite a bit more to it than that but being able to turn on the camera is just one useful skill in a virtual empire of skills that these individuals have in their power. Not our boy though!

Jo took command and had Joey and the "d.o.p." rehearsing shots for the relatively simple scene that consisted of the lead actress looking into the Cryotube in horror & stepping back into the power armoured marines she didnt hear coming into the room behind her through the big huge slidey doors that are to have a nice loud hangar bay door sound effect (apparently). I'm begining to wonder if anything has been properly thought about. In my world, for a minute, it'd be much cooler to have the woman walk into the room & do her thing, meanwhile in the darkness behind her the eyelights of the marines helmets pulse into life revealing that they have been in the room the whole time, concealed in the shadows, watching. They emerge from the gloom into the (relative) light as she backs into them.

It kind of adds to their supposed special forces status a bit I think, rather than just them plodding into the room through a big loud door & she doesn't notice. It also gives whoever writes the novel of the film an opportunity to have some fun going into details about how they're scanning her with their helmet arrays, targeting systems locking on & heads up display information. Shit like that, I dunno....its not my world.

As you can expect this took much longer than needed & Jo was gonna blow. He was lugging about some heavy shit & it was roasting in there & on top of that he may as well have been trying to organise a swarm of bumble bees & show them how to make a film. Eventually they had the shot sorted & it was just a case of getting the lighting set up & they could start. Jo & I went out for another fag. It turned out that the reason that it was so behind was down to Joey being a little bit stroppy with his college tutors. Obviously this film is his big secret that the college mustn't know about or they'll have ownership of it. Which I suppose is kind of fair enough on Joeys part but film making is all about negotiation & compromises, especially at amatuer level.

In an attempt to find out what was going on the head of the school had brought down a load of food for Joey's neglected crew who were thankful for someone noticing the malnutrition that was beginning to set into their already zomboid bodies. Joey however was outraged at this intrusion & when the tutor began asking about the project Joey responded in a rather insolent & unpleasant manner. Apparently the tutor gave him a humungous bollocking for being such an arsehole. Jo was on the tutors side. I wasn't there but I'll take his word for it. Joey can throw his toys out of the pram at the wrong people for the wrong reasons. As punishment for being silly the tutor sent in Mr Health & Safety who I imagine had a fucking field day. He essentially shut them down so all they could do is wait for him to go home at 5 & start then. Time was getting on & I assesed the situation. The boys were suited up & looking sound. Apparently there will be some filming done tonight but they're still pissing about & its now 11pm. If I leave now I can be back home by 12:30ish. See ya!
The following day I posted the tentacle of terror video on facebook & uploaded some more photos of the armour. Since putting the photos of my stuff up I had seen an increase in the number of friend requests from all over the place. All from sculptors & fx people who had seen the photos one way or another in a mass snowballing effect. This is good. Jobins basically useless non disclosure agreement let you show stuff as long as it was yours. Obviously everyone was putting their stuff up to promote themselves so you could piece it together if arsed. I'd recently added a girl I've never even met to my list who is mates with the make up girls on the film. Originally her & a troupe of other girls were meant to be helping but after consultation with their superiors had bailed instantly due to matters of not being paid & Jobin actually having money & probably being seen as taking the piss a bit. Like I said earlier...drama. She'd commented on the video & asked how it was going. I told her that I'd been there till 11 at which point no filming had happened so I went home. Later that day Joey had decided to put in his 2 pennies worth. He basically exploded all over my wall laying into people who had betrayed him & dismissed them as jokes. For them he ensured ruin. For the loyal few he promised eden as he leads us into the upper stratosphere of success. He didnt really do himself any favours there. I doubt that he grasps just how many people saw that, some of them are people he could do well to impress. Anyway blah blah blah.

I didnt return to the set for about 3 days. I got a call from Robin(tm) asking me to bring in my pass card & show them how to put the armour on. Jesus wept. I turned up & said hello to chaos. The make up girls were sculpting deformed faces onto random face casts that Robin(tm) would no doubt think would glue onto another different real face. Its easy. The power Armour suits were heaped in a mangled pile in the corner covered in boxes & piles of shit. OK fuck you lot now. I politely told Jobin that I didnt really appreciate seeing 7 months of work thrown on the floor. Besides they need these things quite badly, they're a major part of the film. They're not real. They will break & I will not come back & make more. After waiting around for an hour Jobin finally had the time to be shown how to put the armour on. I showed them one last time. I told Steve the actor to make sure that at the end of all this he takes home his suit.

Bollocks to Jobin really. Steve wants it & deserves it. I'll grab whats left of one for myself & everyone else can fight over the last one. I took one last look at the carnage around me whilst rolling a fag. And then I left for real. My journey to the outside from the set was interjected with people talking to me of the facebook controversy but I just shrugged. Fuck it.

A couple of weeks later we all recieved an urgent priority private facebook message demanding that all photos of the shoot of the film "Biohazard" be taken down immediately as secrecy is key at this sensitive time. Fair enough. Ive got no pictures of the actual shoot. Just my armour. The album stays. I'm quite happy for them to toil away in secrecy till their hearts content. I however need people to see what I'm doing. Its how I get work & try to make a living.

And there it is. The final blog of the series. Dont worry I'm sure we'll be revisiting the world of Biohazard in the future but untill then I hereby banish all matters on the subject to the Fat Blog. I hope its been informative & if you've got this far I guess you must have enjoyed it. Though to be honest the length of this one has pushed even my rambling limit. Hopefuly no one has been too offended even though at times I've been harsh or perhaps even cruel. Its not meant to be taken that way, though that may be hard for my victims to digest. Its just the way I see stuff & I mean no harm. Think of it like stand up. Im not an evil person, ask Ady she'll tell you. And thats a decent enough character reference really. Only time will tell if these blogs will come back to stove my face in. I dont dislike these people I've just had enough of them for now. I wish Joey & Robin(tm) all the best in their endeavour. I sincereley do. Despite all the flaws, they have in their possesion 7 months worth of accumulated work. Not just my stuff but concept designs, cityscapes, storyboards, vehicles & weaponry & alot of it is fucking impressive. They are extremely lucky to have had these contributors. If they can get their shit together & really knuckle down & do a proper hardcore job on it then it could end up at least looking fantastic. Its in their hands.

Hmmmmmmm. Untill then im going to spend the next few weeks getting on with some stuff whilst you lot catch up to here & I'll no doubt have thought of something else to talk about.

Next time:

Dont know yet...........

Take it easy,

Michael

UPDATE:

Basically.........last I saw on Facebook, Jobin is having "uploading issues" with the film. In a nutshell the whole thing was shot digitally on a very posh set up that cost them shit loads to rent.....professional you see. Only downside is Jobin hasn't got the equipment in its bedroom to deal with the files = no film. Stay tuned!

Oh! They have managed to have a wrap party though. I didnt go. Saw it on Facebook......it looked shit. Paul looked like a creepy molester as he tried to hide the erection that had resulted from his exposure to the meat market of Leeds. Also, as the whole video of said party was shot by Robin (tm) 98% of it is sideways. Dunno if this was an artistic choice or just general dimness. Either way, he's a tool. It was funny to note the photo's of the night as they were in chronological order. Starting off with shots of drunken Jobin & Paul thinking tonight was the night for some make-up girl action as they posed for various "crazy photos" with the girls. As the photo's progress Jobin & Paul start to not appear & are replaced by various nightclub geezers with jeans, shoes & shirts, one hand in pocket, other protecting pint from intruder males. Oggling pissed, flirty make up girls who are more than up for some real man action. Kids eh?

Fuck that shit!

if i build it will they come? Episode Eight!

The last blog ended with me going mad. For those that havent read the 1st ever post I did I'll summarise. I was trying to sculpt mutants to pass the time productively as well as constantly looking at the armour I'd made so far & hating it. Then my sculpting got shit & all the mutants I was making were really bad. I basically had a crisis of artistic faith. Quite a large one actually where I found myself questioning my life & what the fuck am I doing with it & so forth. It may happen maybe once a year or so & usually in times of financial duress or some other random phase of shitiness that sometimes get thrown your way. I got over it though & made another monstery mutanty thing but decided I was going to keep it for myself as it evolved into something that wouldnt really fit into the world of Joey & Robins film. I'm getting sick of typing "Joey & Robin" all the time. I'll have to think of a name for them like Jobin or something. (read more)

I've built it..........but im not done yet. Episode 12

Welcome back grapple fans! I warn you now, this is going to be a long one. Theres alot in here..I want it finished!

At long last this week sees me reach the 2nd to last blog of the current series. What are we on now? 12. That means that in my reality you wont read this for another 4 weeks! I finished the armour about 3 1/2 weeks ago so that means by the time this goes out it'll have been 7 1/2 weeks.

RIGHT I had succesfully scared everyone away from my make shift workshop so I set about spending the week casting out all the various pieces of armour. I wasn't particulary looking forward to this & new it would be a slog. At least I'd be left alone to get on with it in peace. Or so I thought. I should have known better really. First I got told off for locking the door by some dude at the college. The whole point of having the door locked was to stop people coming in..obviously.

A) So I could get on with it without interuption
B) To reduce the risk of getting caught & severely bollocked.

This guy didnt seem fussed though really. He thought I was a student & kept telling me that if I started feeling woozy at any point then I could feel free to leave the room & get some fresh air. Er thanks I'll remember that. I was actually wondering if I'm allowed to leave the room. To be honest though this big fucking respirator I've got strapped to my head should help me out on the wooziness front. He only came once a day. There was however a woman showing prospective students & their families around. She came about 3 or 4 times a day. Each time with the same fucking sales pitch. And she was American. Just to wind me up. I have no problems with Americans by the way but the last thing I want to hear when I'm hot & bothered & itchy with fibreglass whilst wrestling with a big mold is a whiny, screechy voice saying "(big inhalation) MMmmm it even smells of Sci- Fi in here!" What the fuck are you going on about? What does sci-fi even smell of? Fibreglass? The thing that you can smell is highly toxic so the last thing you want to be doing is coming in here & taking in great gulps of the stuff. She must have been tripping her tits off.

Trouble is it turns out that my little workshop was becoming something of a selling point for the university. Oooohhhh!! Look at that talented student of ours with all the wonderful & intersting stuff he's making. Its good here isnt it? By the end of the week all I wanted to do was say "I'm NOT a student here. Thank fuck. Your facilities are SHIT - you cant even open the fucking windows. If I were you (pointing at the entourage of prospective students, shocked parents & crying children) I'd go to The National Film & Television School in Beaconsfield." I didnt though. I just nodded at them & gave them & muffled 'ello hoping that the sight of the respirator I was wearing & the obviously toxic fumes eminating from the room might hasten them along.

So after a hellish week of casting out fibreglass pieces I had before me the beginings of MY ARMY. I now had one week to tidy up & finish all six suits of armour. This was alot of work but luckily help was on its way.

My best mate Andre surpised me during one of our regular Skype sessions by asking if I fancied some help with the armour. He'd just finished working on 'Clash of the Titans' (lucky bastard) & wanted to help out. This was a fucking god send. Finally someone who knew what the fuck they were doing. I had constantly been requesting that Jobin put another add up on mandy.com asking for artistically skilled people with common sense & initiative to help me out. Jobin would just smile awkwardly & go yeah yeah we will. I knew they wouldnt though. Their ridiculous secrecy act made sure that help was at a minimum. Jesus! It's a student film not the next Batman!

Anyway I told them that Andre was coming & that was that. Or no armour anytime soon. I outlined that with Andre helping me out it would be equivilent to having 20 students helping. Not to be rude or anything. I think Paul felt a bit put out & mumbled away like a granny asking stupid questions like "will he know what to do?". Youre kidding? He knows more about this then all of you. I've known him since college - I've worked with him on real films before, ones that people see.......well, depends how late you stay up or if your local DVD reatailer is the petrol station (Gladiator Cop £2.99 etc etc - i didnt work on Gladiator Cop im just giving you a point of reference for the calibre of film) I did once see two films I've worked on in blockbuster.........it took me about half an hour to decide if I could be arsed to spend the eight quid. I did in the end but only because there was nothing else - not really a good sign.

I used to fantasise about what a buzz it would be to see something you've worked on at the cinema or in the shops. When it actually came to pass my reaction was less than I had dreamed of all those naive years ago. It was kind of a tut that morphed into an inward sigh which exhaled into a perfectly executed under the breath fuckin' 'ell.......Boy Eats Girl. Unfortunately its not a porno. And no, I haven't met Samantha Mumba. The other film, Isolation, wasnt actually that bad & I believe has a small cult following. I think it even got some prizes. Probably a king size snickers & a day out visiting The Hawes Ropemakers - Matron! Surely they must be aware? - Its real you know:
http://www.ropemakers.co.uk/v_guide.asp?slid=29&mid=5,
What was i going on about????????

Yes, Andre was coming to help for the week! Smoke break.....
This was good. When Paul was helping me I sometimes felt that I was babysitting him. This was fine at first as there was no real rush but now I didnt have time to be showing people how to do simple things. Well simple to me & others of my kind. I knew that I could set Andre a task & he'd just get on & do it. Also it would be interesting to see if it was just me or is this place fucking odd or what? We had a plan. Andre set to work sculpting, moulding & casting out the essential shoulder armour that would complete the exaggerated proportions of the upper body & make him look mean as fuck. I cleaned up the armour pieces with my tools of death that I'd made Jobin buy to get the job done. Dodgy as fuck. I asked for a powerfile & a vibra-saw. I sent them links to stuff. I got the powerfile but I'd melted that after day 2 of its short, furiously painful life with me. Cheap tools, man. I didnt get a vibra-saw but I did get a black & decker electric saw/jigsaw/maimer of limbs. This was NOT the right tool for the job but I had no choice. Fuck me that shit me up. Near misses were common & it became second nature to move with cat-like reflexes as it ripped & slipped & hacked through shit in an attempt to cut my arms off or at least mangle my fingers like a possesed little shit. I won in the end though & it soon yielded in the face of righteous zeal. We worked at the workshop during the day doing all the heavy duty stuff & the nights would be spent in my kitchen lining the armour on the inside & putting rubber trim round the edges & painting helmets, attaching tubes to them & putting the helmets on & taking silly photos. That kind of thing.

So getting serious for a minute this is what we had:
Fibreglass helmets, torso, shoulders & battlepants
Helmets & torso lined with nice fleece material for niceness inside. Edges of the pieces were lined with that rubber stuff from round the edges of double glazing.

All this went over the top of the motorcycle body armour. The front & back of the Battlepants were secured with an adjustable strap whilst the torso clipped together with parachute clips (sounds good - isnt. Just those plastic clips on your bag) that were cable tied onto the suit. The shoulders were cable tied on also. Strategic tubing was attached to the motorcycle armour that andre sorted out so that it looked like it had a purpose - running up the legs & arms & into the back pack etc to look like functional equipment & make it look cooler. Your mind makes up the rest of the info for you.


All that was missing was the paint job...oh & the guns but Paul was doing them, kind of. I say paint job but it was more of a weathering & distressing job as the armour had been made with alluminium filler in it so when you buffed it with wire wool it came up in a metallic finish. The motorcycle armour needed painting though as that was black. Enter Martin. The painter & profesional Warhammer 40,000 fanatic. You know those little Games Workshop stores dotted about that have displays of loads of teeny tiny little monsters & tanks & stuff in the window & are full of nerdy looking boys & men drooling over elves & griffins & trolls etc? Thats Warhammer. And its fucking wicked.

I'll try & summarise. Besides you'll get a psychological insight into the inspirations & influences for my kind of stuff & others like me. Interesting eh? Warhammer was created in the mid 80's in Newark of all places by fantasy war gaming fans as a result of their boredom of the relativly clean cut american Dungeons & Dragons. They wanted something more dark & gritty & real. There are 2 main types of Warhammer. Warhammer Fantasy which is all goblins & elves & assasins & barbarians & dragons & lord of the rings type stuff & Warhammer 40,000 which is the sci-fi equivalent set in the grim darkness of the far future (the year 40,000 which is well into the future) where THERE IS ONLY WAR!! I love it! This shit doesnt fuck about. It is dark. Ironically I've never played the game but the universe its set in is an IMMENSE resource of artwork, models, comics, computer games & novels that is revered the world over for its sheer awesomeness. While their are many imitators nothing comes close in comparison. Not even World of Warcraft which rips Warhammer off on a massive scale. Although its set in the distant future everything on the human side of things (The Imperium) is a blend of sci-fi & ultra nasty gothic. It works perfectly & I've spent far too many years of my life since the age of 11 just looking at it. Ive been into it for 21 years! I'll be here forever if I start on about it so in addition to the snippets of imagery I'll have placed about here I'll see if I can show you some stuff that sums it all up.



If you thought that was cool & you want to watch it again then you get where I'm coming from. If not, fair enough. Its not everyones thang......especially if you're female. The ultimate point is the people that are really into this, I mean play it, paint it, read it, draw it & live it every fucking day.....they're REALLY REALLY into it. I mean I think its absolutley wicked & I'm into it massively........check out the helmet for gods sake! But these guys are fucked up. And they'd sent Martin.

Martin - early 40's, looks like a particulary nasty bouncer, is actually quite sound, into warhammer 40,000 & probably thinks he's a space marine.....which could go either way really if you know about space marines...or Astartes, to give them their correct title. Anyway he was here to paint apparrantly which was good. I set him to work at painting the motorcycle body armour to match the stuff I'd made. He did this after spending about an hour talking to me about Warhammer. Its my fault for sculpting the helmets like that. It didnt take me long to figure out we had a serious warhammer fan in the building. I'd have to be careful or I could be in for some loooooong days of one topic alone. Its difficult cos you dont want to get trapped in hours of debate about the Horus Heresy but at the same time you cant just sit there & not join in! Its like crack. I imagine. It wasnt long before we were discussing Dreadnoughts, Marine Scouts & Crusader pattern armour (MARK IV PLATE ACTUALLY MARTIN!!!). The inevitable happened within 24hrs.

I had said to Martin that I was happy for him to do pretty much what he wanted as far as customisation went as long as he didnt go all warhammer on my ass. Sure use it as inspiration but don't copy it. WE'RE NOT MAKING SPACE MARINES. Feel free to add any kind of rank or markings that will enhance the armour in a way that doesnt draw too much attention to itself but also marks them out as individuals. I suggested that he paint the trim of one of the suits shoulder pieces a specific colour to mark him out as the leader & something on the helmet too. He kept getting his warhammer books out though. Yes yes I know but it cant BE that! Thats Warhammer, this isnt. Then he came in with his models & some scenery! He spent all day trying to convince Joey that it should look like this & that. Thing is...all of his ideas were good, none of them were shit at all but they just didnt fit into the style of Joeys world. I understood this & accepted it about 7 months ago. Unfortunately Martin didn't. He was losing interest & it was his 2nd day. Martin was supposed to paint the body armour & weather it & the sculpted stuff.

His progress had slowed to a point where I took a helmet home to weather it in the hope that it might re-kindle his excitement upon seeing it. My supposed master stroke was the fact that the paints i was using were from my full set of Warhammer paints & inks that come in their own special flight case & everything. Using those would, I thought, get him painting. The weathering itself was a simple process. I covered the whole thing with watered down dark metallic paint (boltgun metal for the 40k fan) & padded off the excess. Then I did the same thing again but with black (chaos black!!). Then I scratched it all up with the wire wool again. Done.

It failed. Martin spent the whole morning going through my paints one by one & talking about them. Once he'd done that he quickly sprayed up the last body armour & buggered off never to be seen again probably cursing us for being such idiots for not making a space marine. "Heretics! By His righteous word the wrath of the Imperium shall rain down upon them for their heresy in a storm of purifying fire & purge this world of their foul taint and in their final moments they shall know His name & they will fear it!"....... he might have said to himself as he teleported back to his ship.



I spent the rest of the day weathering up the other helmets & armour......& body armour as Martin had basically just sprayed them silver. Then we had our first official test fitting of the almost completed suit. We grabbed some dude in a Hell'oween t-shirt from next door who was the right height & build. He was there to help build the set. That's another story.

We got some footage of him so we could see what was what. Some minor adjustments were made & some last minute additions in the way of foam under the shoulders to stop the torso digging in as much. The following day one of the actors came in for a fitting. Steve Hooper is his name & he's sound. He is exactly the right person for this. Not only is he the perfect height & build but he just fucking gets it. As soon as he's suited up HE BECOMES THE POWER ARMOURED ELITE WARRIOR. He really didnt need much direction at all. Funnily it was me & Andre telling him how to be & not Joey. He just stood their grinning. I got loads of footage of Steve as everything he did down to the way he walked made the suit look fucking hardcore. Success at last. Then another actor came in for a test. He went nuts! But in a good way. Once he was in it he was off. Storming round like he was indestructable. Another success.

Luckily Andre had convinced Jobin that only 3 suits would be possible in the time we had. Andre had just finished a 4 or 5 month stint working on Clash of the Titans & as a result was till in pro mode. He wasnt fucking about. He explained matter of factly that they could have 6 suits of shit or 3 of cool in less words. Jobin caved instantly. So we had the 3 finished suits of armour stacked up all neatly in a row ready for action. We'd fit them on the 2 actors & another guy who im not sure if he's an actor or one of Joeys mates. He's quite lanky but it still works.......just. Theyd been tested with the camera that was to be used for the actual filming & they looked cool. Sorted. We were mostly done. All they needed now was their Plasma Rifles.


We hadnt seen Paul since he'd been on the recieving end of a rather unfortunate yet, im afraid, needed outburst from Andre. As you know by now Paul is a bit of a defeatist. Nothing can be done. These people are not found in the film industry...anywhere. Nothing would ever get made. I'd tolerated it in the hope that after watching me do all this stuff that he thought impossible he'd realise that actually, you can do alot of stuff. Obviously it requires a degree of skill but first & foremost your attitude has to be right. You've been asked to do something, youre not sure if you can sometimes; but you do it anyway to the best of your abilities & with your pool of resources & contacts to advise & help with the stuff you dont know yourself or can't find out about.

I'm not going to get technical: Andre had sculpted the shoulder in a way that Paul hadn't seen. "Ive never seen it done like that before" not in an inquisitive way but in a way that was trying to say youre doing it wrong. Andre explained what he was doing. "That'll be interesting!" Which basically meant - that won't work. Andre ignored it. I looked on warily. Lets just say that for a while I had an animation of a lit fuse of a bomb on my phone that represented a call from Andre. He's not mental or anything. He just hasn't got time for shit. Do it or fuck off basically.

The next day he was demoulding a shoulder pad whilst Paul looked on. Now, if Paul had any real experience he'd know that it was going to be a little bit of a tussle to get this pad out of the mould. Nothing abnormal at all. Go into any fx place & somewhere there'll be someone wrestling with a mould. Sometimes there'll be groups of people heaving away at a giant claw or something. Anyway, Andre was on the floor tugging away at the shoulder with me holding onto the mould & pulling in the opposite direction. "Looks like thats fucked up" came a voice. Oh shit! I was used to it & had stopped caring. Andre however....lets just say he outlined the very valid point that in less than 24 hrs he'd sculpted, moulded & started casting out shoulders whilst also making sure that Paul knew that his stuff could..........benefit from further attention. I'll leave it at that. I felt a bit bad but he needed to hear it really. If he wants to be serious about doing this for a living he's going to have to get his shit together. He's not shit he's just inexperienced & a bit sloppy as a result.

To his credit though he did a nice job of the Plasma Rifles & they look pretty sweet. This is good mostly because it's given him a boost in confidence. So hopefully this whole experience with the suit has helped him out. I must also point out that on top of the guns he's pretty much built the set by himself & just about everything else to do with props. So hats off to him for that. He's gonna HAVE to get rid of his company t-shirt though. Hes got a T-shirt especially made that has the word STAFF written in big letters on the back. This is funny mostly because he's the only member of said staff. He's doing his thing though so fair play to him. I just hope that if he ever works on a proper film set he doesn't wear it or he'll get the shit ripped out of him. Andre & I gave him some friendly ribbing but it didnt go down well. Shit!! it was nothing compared to what he'd get for real!

Anyway enough!So we were done!! At the last minute Robin had asked us if we could make an exploding gelatine head. Now, Robin. I've avoided going into detail about Robin but I'll give you the jist of it. When I first got involved with this back in December '08 Joey told me that the Producer, Robin, has a background in special fx. He'd done all the stuff that I do & had worked in the industry. Cool, I thought. Turns out that about 15 seconds (NO exaggeration) into meeting him for the first time I had concluded that this was complete & utter bollocks on such a scale that its borderline insulting that he could even think that anyone who has ever worked in FX would ever believe him. The shit he comes out with......... Based on my experience of him I deduce that Robins Special FX knowledge is based on some really old Fangoria magazines & possibly some DVD special features here & there.

At one point whilst discussing how to create a tentacle bursting through a body he came out with the immortal line " It's easy! We'll just Tom Savini it! - we'll just pull it out of the bag!" Joey was none the wiser so I jumped in & explained that what he meant was Tom Savini was able to create some nifty shit seemingly from nowhere with little money or time. What Robin had failed to grasp was that yes, he pulled off some cool shit back in the day but.......he knew what he was doing, he had a team of people that knew what they were doing, he had resources & materials & facilities & a budget that whilst considered miniscule in movie terms was actually quite a few grand. Essentially he had a BAG to pull stuff out of. Jobin did not. A few months on he had confessed that his career had consisted of a week of work experience cleaning moulds. The equivalent would be......I dunno.....the pot washer in a restaurant claiming to be a michelin star chef based on the fact that he cooks his own dinner when he gets home. Dont get me wrong, I'm no industry master...far from it, I've barely had a career myself, in fact I couldnt in all honesty call it a career at all.....but I dont go around claiming to be something your not - especially if you've got people in the room with you who are! So yeah thats Robin & thats all I need to say on the matter.

So, sorry guys you aint gettin your exploding gelatine head....you wouldn't even use gelatine! Anyway you haven't got the stuff to do it with!! Also, even if you did... what you'd end up with in the time we've got would be so shit even you would raise the issue. And besides......I've been working for you for free for seven fucking months.......youve got 3 suits of cool as fuck looking (if I may say so) armour FOR FREE. Enough is enough! Robin then asked if we could do a breaking glass effect. He did have the stuff to make this so we agreed to but mostly because we'd never made fake glass before & we were intrigued. We just fancied having a play.

Andre asked how big the piece of glass needed to be. Robin sat there. And he sat. Then after a bit more sitting he looked up at the ceiling. I got the impression that he was hoping that if he sat still & quiet enough for long enough we might forget that he was there & that we'd asked him a question. We looked at each other & got up & went home. In his defence though, I do believe that he might have been awake for over 48 hrs at that point as it had suddenly dawned on him that actually stuffs not that easy & he had fucking shitloads to do & he really didnt know how to do most of it.

So, glass making. We used this stuff called wax glass. It comes in big solid chunks & you melt it down in a saucepan to liquid. Then you pour it into your mould & when its set you have a VERY fragile sheet of fake "glass" which is just clear wax which you can then smash away. Obviously we had no mould...Robin had seemed to forget about that one slightly, massively important thing but he had provided us with a curved bit of wood. He wanted us to pour the wax over the wood to get a curved bit of glass. "Its easy...all you need to do is........" As you can imagine this was just fucking stupid.....but we did it anyway to see what would happen. And so after making a useless piece of shit I donned my monster head & we ventured into the garden.




And so ends this special bumper edition. It means that next week I can finish!!! I NEED CLOSURE. If you've lasted to here then well done. Its 3:34 am - great.


Next week:

• The alien I was going to talk about here gets talked about
• Filming begins.................just 4 days late at about midnight
• My Facebook profile becomes the scene of a Joey rant
• Facebook wide ban on photographic material relating to the shooting of the film
  
• The end of the affair - for now at least
  

Bye for now!

Michael