Hello again. Although these blogs are coming out weekly I actually did the first five episodes in one go (well 2 or 3) over a month ago. So this is the first time in a while that I've sat down to compose my latest ramblings & as a result im a bit rusty. Hopefuly i'll get into the zone shortly.....once ive gone for a fag.OK where were we. Oh yeah. Armour.....sigh. I say "sigh" now as although this is episode 6 for you lot im actually on about episode 207 in "real time". So heres a quick snippet from your future: Its all getting a bit silly now. Thats to come later so for now I shall cast my mind back to where we were.
Right I'm really starting now. My assistant, Paul, & I had succesfuly moulded & cast a helmet that fit & a set of chest
armour that didnt fit anyone over the age of 6. Oh & some "Mark 1 Xerxes Battlepants". The mind of the undercover geek can wander to some strange places if left unchecked. I exaggerate but only slightly about the chest armour. It fits Paul quite well but the idea was that there was going to be some rather beefy guys wearing these things. That wasnt going to happen & unfortunately this was the only way that Joey was made to realise that yes, maybe the mannequin I'd sculpted onto it was a bit small. Its not entirely the mannequins fault though. I'm to blame too for being over cautious with it & not just letting go. I was concerned that I didnt really know how big to make it so I played it safe. Safe is bollocks sometimes. Not to worry though apparently. We'd just find some skinny guys to go in it instead. That wasnt the problem. What was bugging me was the inescapable fact that it
just didnt look right. It was puney. I tried to rationalise it in my head with reasoning such as - it just looks weird without the rest of the stuff, it'll look fine with everything else.I wasnt fooling myself though. Ive been told that sometimes im too harsh when criticising my stuff. Probably am to be honest but balls to that lets not piss around. I quickly came to my conclusion. The proportions & scale are wrong, it doesnt look right because it isnt right & no amount of surgery & extra armour pieces will change that. Therefore: shit. Joey liked it but you could tell he was looking at it in the way that says "its cool but something isnt right but I dont know what it is". Robin however was drooling like a beast but he's another story altogether. The armour was given the all clear & we packed our stuff up & then asked "so now we cant use this workshop anymore where are we going to work?".
Paul's lease on his workspace had come to an end. He had sorted out a new workspace at some artists studios but it fell through at the last minute once the fucking fine artists got wind of the fact th
at we might make noise & actually use the place. Fine artists can be fantasticly snobby & generally view this kind of thing with distaste. Its not art you see...you primitive creature... where as a box of broken egg shells in the middle of a grey room is. I dont know whose worse really. The people that come up with this stuff or the maniacs that stand there looking at it for hours on end challenging themselves to question their own condition &........oh I dont know! Stop drinking the free wine? Not pay thousands of pounds for it? Youve got to be pretty leathered if you find yourself forking out a few grand for a box of eggshells. Thats what the wines for. I'd be quite worried if people only liked my work when they were pissed. You're helping the artist in his/her fight against consumerism though so thats ok. * Sorry about that! So long story short we had nowhere to work but Joey & Robin were sorting something out. Probably should've tried flogging some egg shells at the gallery & purchased a workshop!
Not being horrible or anything but to be honest my experience so far of Joey & Robins organisational skills meant that I had no faith in their organisational skills. They haven't really got any. It might be difficult to believe but these blogs only skin the surface of what's been going on. Thousands of emails & phone calls are recieved 24/7 to re-confirm the confirmation that confirms that so & so is available on Tuesday for half an hour. But it might now be Wednesday & if not then Thursday or possibly next Monday but we'll call or email to confirm once confirmation has been achieved. That kind of thing.
I knew that waiting for Joey & Robin to find a workspace might take a while so I started looking on the internet for a possible solution. For reasons that will be tackled in later blogs I'm currently in Huddersfield (loooooooooooooooooooooong story) where the students are about an hour away in Leeds. A quick Google presented me with some nice possibilities for a workspace. The good thing about being up here is everythings loads cheaper. I found a massive space here in Huddersfield for literaly a tenner a week! Bargain! I emailed this & other adds to Joey & Robin & sent them both a text to tell them I'd emailed them. I did consider phoning them too just to take the piss a bit but I didnt. The next day I'd heard nothing back from them so I called them to see what they thought about the workspace I'd found. They were less than enthusiastic: "Uhhhhhhhhh.......basicly we dont want to commute to Huddersfield". Hang on a minute. They want me to construct armour for them but theres nowhere to do it. The MASSIVE space I'd found was a ten minute walk from my house. Why do they have to commute to Huddersfield? At most they need to come in once a week to check up on stuff but they certainly dont need to commute every day. They need armour sculpting so they've got a sculptor to do it for them for free. Theres currently no workspace but the sculptor has found one that he can do everything in ten minutes from his house but theyre not interested because its not in Leeds. Ok fair enough then I'll just come to Leeds everyday on the train using the money you're not paying me to get to the workshop that you havent got! Apparently they had some other possibilities that they were looking into but it all sounded very ropey. A derelict building in Bradford was one of the things I remember hearing
before their voices faded out of exsistence as I engaged in a mental struggle to not bite my phone in half & throw its tattered carcass through the window. Without opening it first.Needless to say I ended up contacting the agents advertising the massive, cheap workspace in the hope of just paying for it myself & getting on with it whilst Joey & Robin searched the caves of the Outer Hebredes looking for a workspace. As was to be expected it had already been snapped up. All the other places were just slightly out of my financial jurisdiction so I set about thinking what I could be getting on with in the meantime.
Next time:
- Mutants
- Madness
Take it easy,
Michael
*Disclaimer: It should be noted that not all fine artists are like this. Except for the ones that are. But thats only most of them.
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