Don't get in that lift....

Lifts annoy me, or rather those in them do. I got in a lift today so that I could get to the eighth floor of the building, which had 9 floors. I get in with the other 2 people, press the button and watch the doors start coming together. This woman ran towards the doors huffing and puffing, her eyes popping out of her head and she started forcing her way through the practically closed doors with her umbrella still open & her bags knocking everyone's knees as she struggled to get in. A huge sigh as she realized she had made it and then a satisfactory press of the button reading 'Floor 2.'

Floor 2!!!! What the f***!! Floor 2!! Bear in mind this building doesn't have a floor 1 so its just 3 very small flights of stairs to her floor. Ok that sounds a lot actually but seriously we are talking about at the most, 15 steps. I looked at her in disbelief that she had just held the bloody lift up so she could get out almost as quickly as she had got in. Looking at the slightly ajar mouths of my other lift passengers they too thought she was taking a large bite out of a very small digestive biscuit.

So moving on from this particular lift escapade I then got in another lift later in the day. The doors open and Holy Shiiiitteee I was met by an almost purple cloud of bargain basement, buy 1 get the rest of the basket free perfume. The haze reminded me of back in the days when 'SO!' and 'Impulse' body sprays were big on the scene, the more floral the better. This was definitely one of those purchases because I could feel the makeup evaporating off my face and I swear I may have even spotted a small group of pimples forming on my arm from the toxic fumes. I was clearly drunk or disorientated on this stuff cos I got in the lift!! I know, what an idiot!

I got in there and for 8 floors span in the smell, my tongue curling up to the roof of my mouth tasting the sweetness and its ability to seemingly start crushing my windpipe.

Collapsing outside of the lift at the end and gasping for air while clutching my chest was probably not the welcome the guy was expecting as I reached the ground level but seriously, he needed to be warned. I noted his wait for another lift. Thinking back now he probably thought I farted or something, mind you that would be an achievement...being able to fart a Laura Ashley 'Flamboyant floral' bed collection.

My lesson for the day - avoid lifts.

Carli x

www.carli-art.co.uk